DAY 2             (Ian's version)

It is 12:45pm and Ian has been awake since 7am.  The housemates are still in bed after their celebration the night before.  The reward for the completion was a big hamper containing beer and nibbles.  Ian went to the diary room early morning to complain to Big Brother that he does not like beer nor nibbles and that Big Brother should note that next time there is another reward – a bottle of red wine and chocolate should be in the hamper also.  The sun is out and Ian went outside to sit on the decking eating his toast and was wondering whether to have a swim in the pool in nude or not.

Christopher was next up – Laura’s snoring kept him awake most of the night.  He came into the kitchen only wearing his boxer and began to clean the kitchen – there were broken bottles on the floor from the night before.  “For <beep> sake.  There are seven bins in the house”.  The broken bottles resulted in a fight between Elizabeth and Hannah – the two drama queens he thought.  Both wanted attention.  But he wondered why did Elizabeth have to do that for?  Ages since I had one he thought…  But his attention got distracted as he saw some breadcrumbs on the floor.

Hannah was the first to get up – she ran to the bathroom and had a long hot shower knowing perfectly well that she was using up most of the hot water.  She came out and sat next to Ian who was lying down sunbathing in the garden.  She talked for about two and half hours before realising that Ian (who was wearing sunglasses) was asleep, not reading his book, and he had his hearing aids switched off.

Laura went to have a shower and did not realise that the water was not hot.  Elizabeth complained afterwards but Hiten pointed out that he reckons it was Hannah because he went after her and before Laura.  Elizabeth’s face went red…

It is 4:42pm and Eve and Jo are still in bed – together.  They have been playing with Jo’s toy.  The others are in the living room.  Owen is in the toilet – he has been in there for about 45 minutes.  Edward was not listening to the group’s discussion on smoking and cancer.  His attention was on those lying in the garden, not the two girls arguing on the lawn.

“You what?!” Elizabeth screamed at Hannah.  “Yeah I cannot believe you did that” Hannah shouted back.  “You listen to me – I have a right to give anyone a blowjob.  I say that you are jealous of me.  And for God’s sake… stop repeating yourself.  I had it up here with ya…  If you want to do it, go ahead.  I do not give a <beep> about it”.  “No… my point is, it is disgusting and I cannot believe you did this in front of us in the bedroom and do you not realise that millions of people are watching this…?” “Oh shut it… you are just jealous aren’t you?” “Oh…!” Hannah waved her arms up and down and put her hands on her hip.  “And anyway I am not doing him again… he was awful.  He drinks too much which was why he taste a little…” “Oh I do not want to hear this” Hannah said waving her arms again.  Ian and Christopher told the girls to keep the noise down – they are trying to sunbathe in peace.  “Oh shut it” Hannah yelled.  “Don’t you speak to them like that” Elizabeth said loudly and then said quietly “I haven’t done them yet and find them hard work to get closer”.  “Oh you can be so disgus…” Hannah was saying and then Daniel came out from the house into the garden with a huge grin on his face.  Elizabeth’s face was disgusted and she walked onto the desking trying to delete the memory.  Hannah took a look at Daniel and thought what a plonker.

Back to the living room… Laura, bored with the smoking and cancer discussion, told Cat that no matter what she will always find someone to have a relationship within 24 hours after she broken up with a relationship.  “Everyone loves me” she says…  “What happened to your previous one?” Holly asked Cat.  “He was lovely… but he was a pervert.  I never thought anyone would want to go out with him.  I mean he was big you know.  Oh God, he was so big”.  “Gosh” Laura said “Perhaps too much information here…  So who was this girl then?”  “Oh she was small and thin.  He love a girl who look like a page 3 you know with a good body, big boobies and blonde hair” Cat said whilst looking at Holly.  “Oh you poor thing – he went for someone who was bett… oh erm… just a right <beep>” Holly said.  “How big was he then?” Laura asked.  The girls laughed.  Edward, John and Hiten were wondering if they should be out of the living room.  Owen is still in the toilet.  Then Cat realised “You what?  Nooooooo!  Oh my God!  No if only… Nah he was big as a <beep>ing whale”.  “Eh?” Holly said.  “Oh you mean he was… you know as in fat?” Laura asked.  “Yeah…”.  The girls laughed loudly.

The boys looked at each other.

“I wonder why girls go for big men?” Holly asked.  “Yeah… I heard Hannah’s ex was big too”.  “Why do we not go for thin men anymore?” Holly asked and the girls looked at Christopher and Ian sunbathing in the garden.  “Because they’re…?” “Not quite proper men”.  The girls laughed loudly.  Edward moved about awkwardly.  John was wondering whether to put on weight or not.  Hiten stood there wondering whether to laugh or not…

* BIG BROTHER SPEAKER: Will the housemates break up a fight in the garden immediately please? *

Daniel ran out of the chicken shed… with one bird in his hand.

“OH MY GOD” Holly screamed.  The housemates ran outside and the boys sunbathing in the garden were not aware on what was happening.  Christopher was listening to his stereo and Ian had his hearing aids switched off – and both had their eyes shut.  Ian woke up noticing that someone was shadowing him “Oh my God” he said when realised and stood up.  Edward was pulling Hannah from behind whilst John was trying to lift Elizabeth up but she kept kicking him with her high-boots.  Hiten was sitting in the middle trying to figure how to stop Elizabeth pulling Hannah’s hair and how to stop Hannah pulling Elizabeth’s top.  Ian was flapping his arms about yelling at them to pack it in… Hannah gave Edward a punch with her elbow and Edward tumbled backwards and grabs hold of Hannah skirt.  Both of them fell backward and knocked Ian into the swimming pool.

*Splashes*

Christopher woke up after the water splashed on him and Hannah got up and was about to thumb Edward who was lying on the ground.  But her foot slipped and her bum pushed Christopher into the pool.

*Splashes*

“Oh my God” Holly ran and bend down to get hold of Ian.  But she went too far and fell into the pool herself.

*Splashes*

And a chicken ran out of the chicken shed (Daniel had forgotten to shut the shed door) and fell into the pool.

*Splashes*

Laura and Cat was standing there with their mouths open.  Daniel still has a bird in his hand.  Hiten stood wondering what to do with Hannah’s hairs in his right hand and Elizabeth’s bra in his left hand.  Holly and Ian were trying to stand up in the pool and bang their head together.  “Ouch” “Oh sorry”.  They stood staring at each other in the pool while Christopher was still splashing about – and he noticed that there were feathers floating about.

Eve and Jo came out into the garden unaware on what has just been happening – Eve had a big grin on her face and Jo hair was messy.

*Toilet flushes*

*****End of DAY 2*****

DAY 3               (Hannibal's version)

After the crazy episode on day 2.. Some of the housemates are recovering from a rash out break after falling in the pool... It was agreed that the chicken was the prime suspect! So they are blaming Daniel as he left the chicken shed door open.  The rash is not very pleasant as its bright red blotches all over the body and face that the doctor had to be called in to provide some special cream! 

A debate rises on whether the Chickens should be get rid of as it turns out that they are carrying a virus and the house mates dont want chicken pie as Daniel suggested in making one!  Lizzie being the only veggie in the house screams blue murder as she wants to keep the chickens as pets in the house!

Ian is in a shifty mood today as he is feeling mixed emotions after the episode in the pool with him and holly as they had eye contact which is making him wonder on his sexuality...  whereas Holly is thinking she has made a great new friend as she loves gay men and finds them to make fantasic friends... 

Owen is still in bed as spent hours going in and out the toliet.... so a doctor had to be called in again to check on him and it turned out that he was allergic to the beer and nibbles from the hamper basket reward.  Before entering the house the only drinks that Owen drank down the pub was smernoff ice and never had a beer in his life until trying out the beers in the hamper basket! 

Eve and Jo are still in the bedroom as eve is addicted to Jo's electric friend.. and Jo said she would get eve one when they leave the house as that is Jo's Job description... As she goes round peoples houses with a suitcase full of them and does demonstrations..

Hannah and lizzie have kissed and made up after their argument in the garden on Day 2 and found that they had a lot in common and love swapping sex tips..

Lizzie: Oh Hannah.. I am so glad we made up and I dont know what started off that stupid argument.

Hannah: Its ok lizzie... Having that argument was probably a good idea as means we would not have anymore in the time spent in the house... Lets go in the bedroom and check on Eve and Jo as they seem to spend most of the time there..

Lizze: ok Hannah..come on then...

Edward decides to follow them into the bedroom and where they meet up with Jo and Eve..and it turns into a full blown converstation all about electric toys and simualation....and whether size does matter...The girls get into a debate on who they think has the biggest William in the house etc etc..All this is making Edward very shy but he offers to show the girls his william to give them a judgement on it...

*speakers* Would Edward mind to turn round to the camera as depriving the viewers special previews as this boosts the shows ratings...Thank you....

At this moment in time Ian  walks into the bedroom and sees Edward standing there....

To be continued.........

********End of Day 3*******

DAY 4           (Edward's version)

Big Brother (Steve Adderley) sets off alarm of babies crying. It goes on for 5 minutes thenl Darchy and Chris wakes up. The others are still asleep with hearing aids and cochlear implants off.

Darchy gets up and glares at the camera for 60 minutes until the baby alarm switches off. Chris meanwhile sits up in his bed and notices a lump underneath the bedcovers next to him. He whips off the bed cover and a chicken looks at him cheekily. Chris is horrified at the chicken mess in the bed.

Chris: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Camera swivels away from him.

Darchy makes a snarl at the camera

Big Brother: Darchy, move away from the camera or you will recieve your first formal warning.

A buzzing sound is heard coming from Eve's and Jowie's bed. They both wake up tangled with each other.

Jowie: The vibrator comes equipped with a alarm clock! Best placed inside your mouth for full effect.

Eve nods agreeably and sets off the vibrator and looks over to Hannibal with a evil grin.

A minute later Hannibal wakes up screaming and runs from the bed to the bathroom. Eve comes out under the covers laughing. Jowie gives a lovelorn look to Eve dressed in nothing but a thong and bikini.

Chris shoos away the chicken which climbs into Danny's bed. Dan must be having a good dream after that!

Darchy drags himself into the kitchen and makes himself a ice smirfoff cereal and snarls again.

Hannibal comes into the kitchen and asks Darchy what's wrong but gets a snarl in return. Hannibal gets cross and knocks Darchy's cereal to the floor. Darchy gets mad and pulls Hannibal's hair really hard and her wig comes off. Darchy looks in horror at the Steve Matthews tatoo on Hannibal's head.

12:09 PM

Everyone is up except Cat who's still in bed talking aloud in her sleep. Only 2 words are clear. 'Want' 'Hannibal'.

Ian and Popey is having a discussion on hair after revelations of Hannibal's baldness. Ian is fed up of his body hair and wants to get rid of it. But Lizzie overhears and drags in a lawnmower. Ian gives a girly scream and runs into the bathroom but Hiten is already in the toilet. Ian goggles at hiten's thing and smiles seductively. Hiten looks on in horror and runs whilst still peeing into the living room. Chris looks really mad at the stains on his newly polished floor.

Loopy approches Ed about what happened last night when Ian came in.

Loopy: Hiya Ed, you still Ok? Shit! I forgot about my sponsored silence I'm having today!

Ed: I'm great actually, the people of Britain got to see me in the flesh!

Loopy: That's good but what about when Ian came in?

Ed: He fainted at the wonder of it! Even Jowie and Eve was quivering in excitement! Not you tho Loopy.

Loopy: I've got a confession.............................

Ed: Well?

Laura signs to him.

Ed is shocked and burst into tears.

Loopy burst into tears too and runs screaming into the pool.

Danny looks on wondering what the conversation in sign language mean?

Danny looks at Loopy and notices the jawline on her face.........

*******End of Day 4********

DAY 5          (Ian's version)

9:00am:

Ian got out of bed and walked into the kitchen before realising that he was naked.  He went back to the bedroom to put on his shorts – Cat was still calling out Hannah in her sleep.  Back to the kitchen, he found Edward lying on the sofa in the living room.

Ian: Why did you sleep here overnight?  Was Cat driving you mad?  Or the buzzing sounds coming from Eve and Jo’s bed? ... Or is it something to do what Laura said to you yesterday?

Edward: No.

Ian: You can talk to me you know…  We don’t want you bursting into tears again do we?  Any idea why Laura went into the pool yesterday?

Edward: No idea… perhaps she was missing her dog.

Ian: Funny thing to do for missing a dog.

Laura came into the living room rubbing her eyes and realised that she was naked – she took her nightie off last night when she was warm in bed.  Clearly she was not quite fully as a lady yet because she still has her penis.  Ian didn’t see it as he was looking for something in the kitchen cupboard.  But Edward did and ran outside into the swimming pool.  Ian watched Edward and thought that it was a strange way of getting up in the morning.  He turned and saw Laura walking back to the bedroom and noticed she had a hairy bottom.  “Nah you must be dreaming” he said to himself.

Laura came back to the living room – this time with her implant on and was fully awake – and saw Edward in the swimming with some clothing on.  And she saw that Daniel was at the decking staring at her…

12:04pm:

Hiten and John are in the unisex shower and they have been in there for 35 minutes.  Owen and Christopher are playing football in the garden.  Daniel is still on the decking – lost in his own world.  Edward is in the bedroom reading one of Eve’s books.

The rest of the housemates are in the living room discussing about last night – where John ran across the garden in nude after everyone was talking about Edward’s william for most of the day – which caused some disturbances for the housemates.

Elizabeth: … yeah but that is not normal.

Eve: It was a bit bushy wasn’t it?

Laura: You had to look closer to see it didn’t you?

Cat: See what?

Hannah: Really?  I didn’t notice that…

Elizabeth: It is not normal… I have never seen a tiny penis before.

Laura: Oh God.  I do not want to look at his body again.  He was too … eurgh.

Cat: Who?

Ian: He is not bushy…

Eve: I bet yours is bushy – after all you have hairy arms and legs.

Ian: < silent >

The girls laughed loudly.

Ian: Well I thought he was alright.

Elizabeth: I wonder what he taste like…

Cat: I don’t understand

Hannah gave a frown look to Elizabeth – and her wig slipped a bit.

Cat: Why do you wear a wig, Hannah?

Today is Ian’s birthday and he has a choice of having a dinner or a big hamper.  He has chosen dinner.  The housemates were told to get themselves ready for 7pm.

7.01pm:

* BIG BROTHER SPEAKER: Will the housemates walk towards the back of the chicken shed please *

Everyone did so and they saw a secret door behind the chicken shed.  Above the door was a sign which said ‘Grange Farm Garden’.  Ian opened the door and everyone walked in.  There was a table and everyone sat down.  The menu was on the table and everyone was choosing what to eat.

Ian: I am having a roast turkey

Elizabeth: I will have to have salad as there is no vegetarian meal here…

Hannah: I will have whatever as long there is tomato sauce there

Laura: … and onion rings for me

Daniel: I love pasta

Edward: I love ready-made dinner

A waiter appeared from behind the bushes which lead to another door (out of bound to the housemates).  He was tall and thin with dark hair. He came over to the table.  The waiter said “I am sorry you had to wait long.  Who is the birthday boy then?”  Everyone looked at Ian.  The waiter gave a wink at Ian and took everyone’s order.

45 minutes and two bottles of red wine later, the waiter came back with the dishes.  “I’m sorry you had to wait” he said.  Everyone but Ian had their dinner in front of them.  “Oh I am so sorry” the waiter said to Ian and walked off.

Everyone was eating their dinner.  Ian was annoyed with them and thought how rude of them to eat without waiting.

10 minutes later, the waiter came back and asked Ian what he ordered.  Ian looked up and said “Roast Duck… I mean Turkey”.  The waiter left and came back shortly.

Waiter: Here is your dinner sir.  I am sorry it was late.

Ian: No worry.

The waiter took the plates away.  Everyone but Ian has finished their meal.

Hannah: What’s for dessert?

Waiter (ignoring Hannah and still looking at Ian): I hope you enjoy your meal.

Ian: <eating his dinner>

Hannah: What’s for dessert?

Waiter (walking away but still looking at Ian): I am so sorry you had to wait.

Ian: <smiled with mouth full>

Waiter: Oh by the way, happy birthday sir

Ian: Thanks.

Waiter: I shall leave you to it then...

The waiter disappeared.

Ian: <rolled his eyes>

Hannah: Daniel, what’s for dessert?  He walked off while I was talking to him.  He must be deaf.  I mean he didn’t hear me did he?

Daniel (drunkenly): Sorry I don’t understand you.

Hannah: What’s for dessert?  I’m hungry.

Daniel: <staring at Hannah with a puzzled look>

Hannah: Oh for <beep>’s sake…

20 minutes later:

Elizabeth walked back to the table with something dripping from her mouth.  She said that she went to tell the waiter that she changed her mind about ice-cream and wanted a cheesecake instead.  Hannah said that she was there for ages.  “Oh yes, he was busy doing the cream on top of my cheesecake”.  “Oh is that why you got some on your lip then?” Cat asked.  Elizabeth giggled loudly.  Hannah frowns again and her wig slipped a bit.  Daniel is watching Laura as she is drinking her pint of Carling.  Do a woman drink a pint like that he was wondering.

Big Brother told the housemates that they must leave the secret garden soon because the garden door is timed to be locked at midnight.

11:59pm:

Everyone began to walk back to the house.  The waiter ran towards Ian.

* BIG BROTHER SPEAKER: Please will the waiter stop and stay where he is right now *

Waiter: Eh?

* Bang * Beep * Click *

The waiter stood there and could not believe his eyes.  He has walked into the Big Brother garden and the secret garden door is now shut and locked.  The housemates were staring at him.  “Oh my God!  What have I done?” the waiter cried.  “Don’t worry, you can sleep with me tonight” Elizabeth said.  The waiter said no thank you with a disgusted look on his face.

“Hang on, where is Owen?”

*****End of DAY 5*****

DAY 6          (Hannibal's version)

The house mates were struggling to get out of bed in the morning with the alarm clocks ringing as they went to bed in early hours of the morning after the entertainment from the night before as they have a new guest and no Owen!

The waiter's name is Howard! He ended up sharing a bed with Ian after taking a shine on him...Plus he was doing some making up with ian after ians dinner was delayed!  They played a game called "Follow the Van"! under the duvet.

Chris was moaning as he gets woken up by the alarm as he only hearing person apart from Howard! As the others are deaf BUT their beds vibrate when the alarms go off!  It just the piercing sounds that chris hates cos it makes him go deaf!

Lizzie is not one happy chick as ian has nicked Howard off from her as she had some fun with him the night before hence the "cream" dripping from her lips!

Lizzie" Scowls at ians direction and muttering under her breath!"

Hannah "Whats up Lizzie Wizzie?"

Lizzie " That ian thats whats up with me....He has gone and nicked bloody Howard right under my nose from me!! Grrr...."

Hannah " Maybe you could go over to them and ask them if they would mind you joining them under the duvet?!"

Lizzie " You what!?"

Daniel fell asleep on the decking overnight and got sunburnt and windburn... He comes scrolling in the house and everyone laughs!

Daniel " Why you laughing?"

Laura " Cos your all red!"

Daniel " Eh?? *Takes his sunglasses off*

More laughing from the housemates!

Chris " Oh Bro....take a look in the mirror"

Daniel walks over to the mirror and makes a loud noise!

Daniel " oh my god Feck Feck.....My face...My poor beautiful face....."

Hannah, Lizzie, Laura, and Cat are sitting in the garden deep in converstation about Hannahs baldness.

Laura" So Hannah..Tell us why you wear a wig?"

Hannah " Well you see girls....The reason I wear a wig is well obv cos I am bald..."

Girls "Yeah...!"

Hannah " My baldness is a symbol of free spirit.... I shaved all my hair off for the heck of it...I wanted to demonstrate that we women can  be librated...without having to feel you need to have hair!"

Cat "But why do you where a wig if you feel like that?"

Hannah " Well thing is...I only shaved my hair off a week before I came into the house and my parents and family dont know that I am bald...and I was gonna break it gentle to my mum as you see she loves my hair and will kill me for shaving it all off!"

Lizzie " Wow Hannah.. You have inspired me...infact am gonna shave my hair off!"

Hannah " You sure Lizzie? absolutly sure...as your hair wont grow back over night!

Lizzie " Yeah am positive.... I want to feel so librated!"

Laura and Cat " We want to feel Librated too..so we gonna shave our hair off too.."

Hannah " Wow girls...We can start a Club...."

So the girls go to the bathroom and lock themselves in...

Daniel, Chris, Hiten and Howard sitting on the sofas inside...talking away..

Hiten " I wonder why the girls are taking ages in the bathroom?! They have been in there for 2hours so far!"

Daniel.. "My poor beautiful face...sob sob..."

Chris " Did not realise you are a timer Hiten...why you timing the girls???!!!"

Hiten " Well come on...there are four sexy girls locked up in the bathroom.. Dont it make you wonder what is going??!!"

Boys.."Yeah true...very true..."

4 Hours later... Hannah Laura..Cat and Lizzie emerge from the bathroom and Ian lets out a loud seal like screaming clapping noise.....

Ian " clap clap....eek ekeeeeeeeee wowo woww....girls...wow....all of you are BALD!!!!!!!"

Girls " Yeah cos we feel so librated....sooooo alive and refreshed!!"

To be continued.....

****End of Day 6********

DAY 7       (Edward's version)

11.45

All the housemates are up and talking about what happened to Owen. Howard shifts uncomfortably, Danny notices. Lizzie reckons he's been evicted by public opinion. Hannibal and Cat agree lights reflecting off their bald heads. Chris disagrees and reckons Owen disappearing is part of a game Big brother is playing. Little does he know that he's nearly right....

Owen screams at Chris in his bedsit whilst wearing earphones and watching the tv screen showing what's happening in the house. He looks round and puts on his hawaiian shirt and stares intensely.

13.01

The housemates are having lunch except Danny who's relaxing under the shower. Cat and Loopy decide to play a trick on him and turns on the tap in the kichen. Danny screams and runs out into the kitchen.

Danny: You beggers, you've now used up the hot water!!!

Cat and Loopy realise this and now apologising to everyone that they wasted all the hot water for the week.

14.56

Owen looks frustrated and goes into the diary room via another door and breaks down after admitting he's missing his smirnoff ice supply and is forced to eat pot noodle. He claims pot noodle is giving him a rash down below and shows it to the camera. The camera malfunctions and switches off.

Meanwhile, Hiten and Ed are having a argument about each other's names. Hiten is angry that Ed calls him HI-ten whilst Ed is angry that Hiten calls him Edwina.

BIG BROTHER: Will the housemates break up a fight in the garden please and guys...don't slip on the decking.

Everyone rushes out and Ian screams in a seal way. John grabs Hiten from behind and Danny pushes Ed away from Hiten.

16.00

Big brother gathers everyone round the sofa and tells them there's a surprise eviction tonight.

Everyone is shocked and Ian sobs uncontrollable whilst Ed and Hiten glare at each other. Lizzie, Hannibal and Cat give each hugs, Danny and Chris look each other in fear and Loopy, Eve and Jo scream hysterically.

16.30

Eve and Jo go to the bedroom for what could be their final play together of follow the van. The rest talk about the process of nominations, when it will be tonight. Hannibal takes her wig off and scratches her head. Ian is cooking an egg in the microwave and a huge bang is heard making everyone jump. Ian is howling on the floor covered in egg white. Howard rushes to his aid. Danny is putting what he thinks is sun cream but is actually hemmerroid cream.

21.00

The sounds of cheering can be heard outside and Wendy is the hostess. She calls everyone round the sofa. She says take a look at this...

The plasma screen turns on to reveal Owen in the diary room.

Big brother: Who would you like to evict tonight?

Owen: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........I don't know really.........let me think............I'm really angry at Howard for switching places with me so I'll say him.......or either Hannibal with her Steve Matthews Tatoo.

Big Brother: You must pick one Owen.

Owen: Alright! Howard then!

Plasma turns off.

There is a stunned silence followed by Lizzie's and Ian's wailing. Hiten and Ed jump up in delight and high five each other. Hannibal breaks down in tears. Howard's lip trembles and goes to the exit. Everyone outside boos. Wendy takes his hand and drags him for his first live interview...

*****END OF DAY 7 ***********

DAY 8               (Hitz's Version)

Owen is back in the house after last night eviction!!!!

In early morning, all the housemates are sleeping apart from Popey doing his morning exercise!  All the chickens are missing from their garden!  Where they have gone!

10:12am…Cat woke up and make her to a kitchen. She was wearing a bunny nightie.

10:15am…Dan woke up then make his way to the kitchen. He was just wearing his boxer short.

Dan:  Gud morning…urrmm….Bug Bunny!

Cat: (giggles) good morning fat belly!

Dan: (looked at his bloated tummy)

Cat: Never mind  (gave him a wink)……do u  want a coffee?

Dan: Oh yes please!

Cat: How many spoons of sugar u want?

Dan: No thanks, I am sweet enough!!

Cat:…eh….what does that mean?

Dan: Why don’t you find out?  (moving closer to Cat)

Cat:  (giggles)…stop teasing me u tomato!

Dan: Ouch…..my body really hurt after getting sunburnt (pretend to weep)

Cat: (feelin sorry) oh poor man.  Lemme know if I can help you in any way?

Dan: (grinning) actually there is ……there is a lotion in a shower room, could u rub it on all over for me?

Cat: (twisting her mouth) …oh alright then

Both went to shower room together looking cosy. Could there be a romance on the card for Dan and Cat!?

10:30am…..SIREN SOUNDS with Baby Crying!!!!…all the housemates woke up except from Holly who do not want to wake up!! The vibrating bed does not work!! The siren have been going on for 4 minutes.

Owen:  ARGHHH!!!  Stop the crying please.

Chris:  Oh facking hell….right…I am going to talk to big brother.

After Chris spoke to big brother, he says to every1 that everyone need to be awake and out of bed to stop the alarm.

Chris: Now….who is not awake???????

STOMP STOMP……Owen is walking around the bedroom checking.

Owen: Look…..Holly is still asleep!  (he moved to shake her up)

Holly: (slowly irrated)…oiii….leave me alone!

Owen: (shouting) GET OUT OF THE BED NOW>> I GOT A HEADACHE!!

Loopy: Hey there…..there is no need to shout!

Owen:  oh yeah….why don’t u sign to her then!

(whosh, whosh wheez, whoosh) Loopy signing to Holly

(thud, clap whooooosh) Holly signing to Loopy

Loopy: I am sorry Owen but she said that she doesn’t care.

Owen: ACK!!!….I have no choice then!!  (he went to lift Holly and tried to make his way to the jazzuci)

Holly:  Help!! I am being raped!!  Leave me alone u big bully!!

Everyone look in amazement!! All the girls doesn’t like what Owen is doing!!

Loopy:  (jumped on Owen)  Get ruff her!!

Owen is walking to the jazzuci with Holly and Loopy

Jowie: (jumped on owen) Stop now!!!

Owen is still walking to the jazzuci with Holly, Loopy and Jowie

Eve: This is not right…..he is a great big bully (she then jumped on Owen)

Owen is still walking to the jazzuci with Holly, Loopy, Jowie and Eve!!!!

Hannibal: (did not know what is going but thought it was game) Aww bless….it is my turn now….where I can hang on to??

Hannibal eventually held on to Owen.  BUT Owen is just near the jazzuci and still moving.

Liz: (did not want to jump on Owen but offer to help anywhere she can). Eve…stop fiddling with Owen’s zip, try to hold his legs instead.  U too Jowie…..hold his legs, don’t stroke!!  Loopy, stop kissing his arse!!!  Holly, hang in there, we will get u out!!

Owen is one step to the jazzuci!!  Cat came hopping across the garden with her bunny tail to help but instead she helped Owen to threw all  the girls to the jazzuci with Owen still standing!

SIREN stopped!!  “Yah” said Owen.  “Nice one” said Chris.  They danced together and hugged each other.  They were getting too close for comfort and then walked away from each other with Chris clearing this throat!  The girls are MAD except for Hannibal….”aww bless…this is fun”

14:12pm……Ian cooked lunch for the housemates!!

Holly: wow Ian…yummy food.  You will make a good house husband some day!

Ian: (with a big smile) I know I will…..but no1 will want to marry me!

(silent)

Hitz:  (talking wiv his mouth full) I am bored.  Does does ne1 have any ambitions u wanna talk about?

Liz: Oh Hi-ten…..mind ur manners.  Don’t talk with ur mouth full!

Hitz: (raised one of his eyebrows)  Yes mummy!!

Eve and Jo are both bored as their sex toys went overdrive and broke down.  Now they come to a shocking revealation!!

Eve:  I am bored jowie…..haven’t u got anymore sex toys?

Jowie: (trying to scratch her bushy hair)….not really.

Eve: wow…ur hair is so big.  What is that?? (went to pick something from jowie’s hair)

Jowie: (looked worried)….wot u mean?,,,,take it out please!!!

Eve: awww….don’t worry…..it is just a chicken (tweet tweet)

Jowie: Thanks eveie……didn’t know about that. Must have thought it was a nest.

Eve:  Wait a minute, I can see summat more

Jowie: What>>

Eve: (put her hand in jowie’s hair) eeekkk…..it is another chicken!!

Jowie:  my god! I cant believe it (fainted)

Eve went around to call for help.  Three more chickens came out jowie’s hair!

Hitz, Ed, Ian and Popey decided to play some pool.  Hitz and Ed are in one team and Ian and Popey are in another team!  Ed to break first:

Ed:  (took his shot but the cue went flying popey’s chest)  Oh f*cking hell

Popey:   u prat!….look u given me a third nipple!! (showing his injury)

Ian:  (looking admirely at popey’s chest) awww…..can I touch it?

Hitz:  nice one Edwina!!! Nice tactics

Ed:  F*ckin Hell….i told you many times, don’t call me Edwina….Hi-TEN!!

Hitz: (tryin to be cool)   chill out mate….u r on my team!

Ed: oh fuckin hell…im really sorry!

Popey:  Enough touching  u prick…..lemme play my shot.  (he then potted 5 red balls in row)

Ian:  Oh well done popey (gave a long big hug wiv his hand on popey’s arse)

Popey: Oiii…..leave me alone. Concentrate on the game!

Hitz: now watch the master play!!  (took his first shot but missed)…..oops!

Ed:  oh Hi-Ten…..how did u miss that easy pot !!??……f*cking hell

Hitz: don’t mock me anymore….be quiet!!

Ian: (getting excited) This is so easy popey.  U and me gonna have nice celebration tonight alone

Ian potted a red ball.  Just one more red and black to win! The remaining red ball is straight to the pocket

Ian: Look, I am trying this with my left hand

Popey: Just get on with the game u git!

Ian: Here I go………

Ian missed the red completely and kisses the black to the pocket!!

Ed:  F*ckin hell…we won Hi-Ten

Hitz:  OH YESS!!! We did beat them easy peasy Edwina!!! (another high-five)

Ian started crying…… Popey sulks off back to his exercise!!!

Later in the evening………..

BIG BROTHER (Steve Adderly):  Could Loopy and Holly come to Diary room please!?

(no1 moves)

BIG BROTHER:  Could Loopy and Holly come to Diary room please!?

(still no reactions from housemates)

BIG BROTHER:  Could Loopy and Holly come to Diary room please!? CAN OWEN THE BULLY AND CHRIS THE PISSHEAD could notify them to come to the diary room.

Holly and Loopy make their way to the diary room.

BIG BROTHER:  Hello Holly how are you?

(no response)

BIG BROTHER:  Hello Loopy how are you?

(no response)

BIG BROTHER:  Can you hear what I am saying?

(no response)

BIG BROTHER:  Oh dear… (thinking) If you don’t answer my question, both of you will be evicted to a private room.  Do you realise that both of you have broken one of the rules in Big Brother House?

(no response)

BIG BROTHER:  You was told to not to use any sign-language due to nomination tactics so therefore you two will be temporary be together in a private room.

The other door in the diary room opened and both girls walked to the private room.  The other housemates do not know what is happening to them but then assumed that they have been evicted!

Holly: wow…there a  big tv here….

Loopy: (switching the monitor on)….oh my god, we can see the housemates!!

Holly:  you know wot is that mean??….we got a opportunity to see what they are really like.

Loopy: Oh my god

Holly: (eyes opening bigger) Guess wot….we can rate all the men when they are having a shower!

Loopy: Oh my God!!!

****END OF DAY 8*********

DAY 9    (Dan’s version)


Holly and Loopy are no where to be seen in the house.

7am..Ian was yet again the first one to wake up in the morning. He looks around the room and mutters that no one else was awake yet. He decided to go straight to the toilet, walking naked, for a “wee wee”. Just as he stepped into the toilet, he carefully wiped the toilet’s seat with copious amount of toilet papers. Sat down on the bog, relieving himself and utter out a big long moan “ohhhh, that’s great”, took a toilet paper and wiped his ‘William’ slate clean in a lady-like manner. Folding the toilet paper very carefully, and place it on the surface of the bog’s water.  Flushed the toilet by wrapping the handle around with a toilet paper and threw it immediately into the bog.

7:04am..Ian walked back to his bed, still naked and noticed that Popey was sleeping soundly with his cycling clothes still on and on top of the bed. He was wondering whether he should help Popey to be more comfortable in bed by taking his clothes off…He decided against it for the fear that he might get his William excited if he touches Popey’s arse. Instead, he took out all his own clothes out of his drawers, unfold them, fold them carefully again and put them all back in.

8am. Hannibal wake up and decided to do Grease Dancing on every single bed to wake the room mates up. Just as she jumped on Jowie’s bed – she screams out and pointing at Jowie’s hair “What is that white Shampoo doing in her HAIR?”…No reponse from the others. Only Jowie stirred slightly and wake up slowly…

Jowie queried “What? What time is it?”
Hannah replied “Why have you got a shampoo in your hair?”

Jowie touches her hair and found the white spot…sniff it and fainted again. Hannibal realised that it was one of the chicken’s poo. But it was too late, cos she has been jumping up and dawn on Jowie’s bed doing the Grease move- a bit of a white poo was flung off onto Eve’s lip (who was lying beside Jowie).

Eve’s tongue popped out rapidly and licked the sticky white muck…soon enough, all the white muck magically disappeared. A big grin appears on Eve’s face.  Hannibal was digusted by this and retched into her own bra.

10am – the SIREN SOUNDS with Baby Crying. Lasted for only 5seconds because Darcy was the last one to be woken. He was happy that there would be no repeat of the yesterday morning incident, since Holly the Playboy girl was no longer in the house.

10:30am…in the Private room.. Holly asked quietly “Why has no one even taken a shower yet? *staring into the tv screen* Loopy yelled at the tv “For god sake, will some blokes get into the sodding shower!”, banging her fist on the floor. Holly eventually realised that there was no hot water left for the shower, since Cat and Loopy used up all the hot water in their nasty shower trick on Dan.
“Oh Lazza bean”, Holly poked Loopy’s ribcage to get her attention
“FACK OFF”, Loopy yelled, “I’m waiting for a bloke to get into the shower”
So holly stepped in front of Loopy’s sight and…(whosh, whosh wheez, whoosh) Loopy signing to Holly.
(thud, clap whooooosh) Holly signing to Loopy.

Loopy still won’t admit that it was her fault for no hot water for a week and blame it all on Cat instead.  Holly tried to point out that it was both of their fault, but Loopy still won’t listen as she is now furious with Cat.  They are stuck in the private room and with nothing to do…

12pm…Ed decided that he want to go into the pool and told everyone else.  Everyone else agreed to join him in the pool immediately.
Popey got into the pool still wearing his cycling short with Chris,
“In 5 years time, I will be a millionnaire” Popey tell Chris,
“How do you plan to achieve that?” Chris asked polietly
“Ah, I have a secret buniness plan.  I will have my own swimming pool in my house in Western Park”, Popey getting rather excited.
Hi-ten jumped into the pool, and the water splashed onto Hannibal’s face and woke her up from sunbathing…

12:45pm..Ed is still in the bathroom trying to get his contact lenses out.

1pm…Ed finally managed to get one of his contact lenses out.

1:30pm…Ed realised that he only had one contact lenses on the whole time, so he made his way to the pool, bumping into everyone on the way….and toppled over Liz who he didn’t noticed was sitting on the floor playing cards with Cat.  The cards consists of some picture of gay men- which Ian hadn’t seen yet.

2pm.  Ed finally got into the pool, but realised that he was on his own now as everyone else had a enough.  So he went back to the bathroom to put his contact lenses on.

2:44pm.  Ed manged to put both of the contact lenses on but still unable to see anyone.  He is crying like a baby.

3pm:  “Where are my contact lenses?” Dan yelled out….

4pm.  Cat decided to cook a Mexican meal for everyone, much to Liz’s dismay because she can’t eat meat.  Chris is mopping up the kitchen frantically after Cat dropping everything.  She managed to melt the vegetable steamer by putting it on the hob.  She took out a hot beef out of the over, placed it on the hob top.  Took the foil off, and all the steam came rushing out and burnt her arm…
“ Arrgggghhhh HELP!”, Cat screamed, accidentally switched the knob on for the hob…
Dan was watching Cat the whole time and ran to her
"Oh my dear Bug Bunny!", but tripped over Liz, who was still sitting on the floor.
Darcy was next to the fridge looking for a beer, looked up and walked calmly to the tap..switch the cold water on for Cat.

“What is THAT SMELL???”  Eve yelled
“Opps, sorry I’ve farted again” Popey replied
“No its not that, I know what your nasty fart smells like”

*sizzling noise can be heard*

“SHIT”, Chris shouted, red-faced when he realised that the plastic steamer was melting over the hob…”I’ve just cleaned the bloody cooker!”.

Hannibal couldn’t stop giggling, much to everyone annoyance.  She almost shattered the Big Brother camera lens.

"Will someone take Hannibal outside please" Steve yelled throught the Big Brother speaker...


******* END OF DAY 9 **************

DAY 10     (Laura’s version)

1.30pm

Hannah is still outside in the garden with all the doors to the house locked after Owen threw her outside under orders from Big Brother..she is still giggling away and doesn't realise she won't be allowed back inside the house until she has stopped..

The rest of the housemates are cross with her because it means they cannot go outside until she stops...it is very warm and sunny so they try to get her to shut up by insulting her and calling her lots of names but to no avail. Will she ever stop giggling??  Lizzie goes to the big brother room to see if big brother will allow steve matthews to enter the garden and shut hannah up from giggling, even if other noises come out from hannahs mouth it does not matter as long as it isn't giggling!

Holly and Laz are still in the private bedsit for one more day, none of the housemates still have a clue what is going on with those two and stick with the theory they have been evicted so a discussion about what they thought they were like has begun:

Jowie: I didn't like the way holly kept flicking her hair around all the time

Holly screams from the bedsite: "well it's facking long what else does she expect me to do?!?!
Laz: Tie it back perhaps??
Holly: don't be so daft I can't tie my blond, i mean i;m not blond anymore but i still cant tie my blond hair back
Laz; you are so blond, i'm the dark one
Holly: yes like Nadia hahaahahah
Laz: *glares*

Eve: And holly always has her little boobs out on show
Popey: I wouldn't say they were little
Hitz: Nor would i!
Ed: Infact they are just about the right size!
*All boys stare into space thinking about holly's boobs*

Holly is grinning happily whilst laz yells what about my boobs!

Almost right on cue, Ian starts a conversation about what nice boobs laz has! Owen agrees they are a "very nice pair!", liz says "they are massive aren't they?" Ian then proceeds to ask everyone if they like his own boobs, suddenly everyone remembers that they have things to do and walk off! Ian stares fornlornly at his "boobs" he misses them.... Is there something Ian hasn't told anyone?

The latest on big brother is that eve and jowie have split up and are no longer sharing a bed, playing with broken sex toys or playing follow the van!! Jowie has decided being a lesbian is not for her and decides to spend every night with popey on the sofa! Now hannah is no longer around in the house, they can have some peace and quality time alone together....Owen and chris have heard several noises coming from the lounge every night but presumed it was to do with the chickens that follow jowie aorund.

Dan: "Bugs bunny!!!!!!"
Cat: "yes baby?"
Dan: "I'm still suffering from sunburn!"
Cat: "Why?"
Dan: "well I don't know why but I'm still sunburnt, can u put some more cream on in several places like u did in the shower room please?"
Cat: "Why though?"
Dan: cos i liked it!
Cat: "Why?"
Dan: "Oh just do it woman!!"
Off they went to the bedroom seeing as the shower room has no warm water still..

Holly and laz receive a note from big brother in the bedsit saying they are allowed to give the housemates 3 things, they can be demands, punishments or anything they wish...

laz: I know i know!! we can get all the men to have cold showers and that way we get to see them!!
Holly: yeah great idea but one small thing?? Well actually, several small things???
Laz: Thats true....ok...why don't we let them have some warm water but not let the girls have that, the girls must have cold showers!
Holly: Yeh then we can see all the boys thingies and the girls must pay for they are obviously jealous about our lovely pair!!
Laz: Should we show the nation our boobs so they can have their own opinion????

They turn back to the plasma screen to see Ed, Ian and Popey walking to the shower room..together?? Ian is smiling widely and has placed a hand on each of the other boys arses...Popey tried to move away to maintain his anti-homosexual status but then remembers his recent holiday to gran canaria with the boyfriend that noone is supposed to know about expect for owen and laura who spotted him walking down the street hand in hand with a bloke who looks familiarly like ian... Ian is asking popey and ed if they would like to swim and sunbathe without their pants on when they are eventually allowed back into the garden.

Chris is still cleaning the kitchen after cat's fiasco with melting anything and everything...chris has now banned her from the kitchen completely.  Lizzie is talking to noone in particular about how topman have improved their t shirts recently...HItz is listening to bollywood songs in his head and dancing around the house...hannah is still giggling madly... Owen is talking to noone in particular about cars...cars...and more cars...Eve is sat wondering how to get hannah to shut up so she can go and sunbathe: she then goes over to Hannah and mouths that steve matthews is coming to see her

Hannah: Really?
Eve: yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big brother she has stopped giggling!!!!

Big brother announces the garden is now free to go and sunbathe but that hannah must stay outside until later on in the evening!

Another letter request comes immediately from big brother to the bedsit requesting that Holly and laz take their tops and bras off otherwise they will both be evicted from the show...will they or won't they??

*************End of day 10******************

DAY 11    (Owen’s version)

4.45am

All the housemates are in bed except ian. With a bottle of Smirnoff ice in

his hand ian is moaning to noone in particular about how ?that black ice

stuff just isn?t the same?.

6.45am

all of the housemates are  in bed except ian and popey. Both are sitting

in their underwear discussing the merits of naked sunbathing in the morning,

?just like on holiday?. Popey bets ian a hundred quid that he can get his

union jack boxers off quicker than ian?s free smirnoff promotional Y fronts.

Both decide its best that they wait till its sunnier in case theyre caught

on the infra red cameras.

7.45am

All the housemates are in bed except ian, popey and jowies ?crew?.

One of her followers decides it?s a good idea to mark the morning with an

egg and a big loud cock a doodle do.

7.47am

chris wakes up realising that dream about chickens isn?t actually a dream,

but goes back to sleep moaning of ?that bloody racket, I?d scramble them

if I could?

8.15am

it starts to rain over the big brother house. Ian and popey aren?t sure whether

an early wet pant competition is a good way to boost their ratings or not.

?Fuuuuuuckin ellllll? says john paul. Ian moans about it being warmer in

the shower in Ghana.

9.45am

distant giggles are heard from somewhere in the house. Big brother tips everyone

out of bed.

9.46am

chris falls back to sleep on the floor muttering abt ?bloody KFC?

10.00 am

dan and Catherine are in the kitchen. Dan reminds her very quickly that due

to her melting shes not allowed into the kitchen and that could she kindly

wait on the carpet otherwise ?that brother?ll moan?

10.05 am

dan sips coffee 3 feet from Catherine whos not allowed into the bb kitchen.

10.10

the rest of the big brother house come out of the bedroom. Eve and jowie

are looking tired again. Ed stares at the two boys in wet underwear in the

garden, huffs and then decides that maybe hed like to join in.

10.14am

three naked big brother householders are sitting in the garden when cheney

sparks up again. ?could all housemates please leave the garden area for todays

task?. Fuucccckin ell says pope from the garden, we were all getting in some

good rain tanning action

10.30am

all the housemates are pleased to see the arrival of industrial size gaffer

tape and enough rope to tie up one person. The task reads: increase the audience

of big brother by whatever means necessary. Eve looks at dan who looks right

through cat towards hitten who points to Hannah.

Ten minutes later Hannah has been tied to a sunlounger in the rain and has

30 feet of tape wrapped round her mouth. Liz looks worried. But what happens

if she gets all soaked by the rain and starts talking to herself under the

tape? Err dunno mutters hitten who still look rather smug about the whole

thing ? im just waiting for this evening when its eviction night. Maybe pope

should dress up as Hannah and try and evict her. Hmmmmmmm?

Laz and holly stare at the screen wondering whether they?ll actually have

to do anything this evening. ?im worried I?ll get cold if I have to take

anything off? says laz. ?Do you think we?ll be allowed to wear socks? asks

holly whos looking more and more worried by the minute.

12.05pm

Chris walks into the kitchen staring at catherine. U bloody touch my kitchen

today and i'll murder you, Then vote for you in the evictions tonight he

growls. liz, who was standing in the kitchen before chris walked in,

accidentally

knocks over a two day old cup of tea. Eve rushes over to mop up the mess

and save her from a dunking in the pool. What the hell have you done to my

floor you idiot chris says, and wheres hannah shouldnt shge clean it up for

you>? and whys ed wearing my boxers. i'll vote for him as well, and you liz

blummin kitchen wrecker.

******End of Day 11******

DAY 12         (Cat’s version)

8am

Poor Chris who is still cleaning the oven non-stop for two days... Everybody could not sleep very well cos smell of plastic made them feeling sick...

20 Bleary eyes looking at Cat in rage!!! Chris raised his mop..giving cat his evil stare!

Cat: I’m sorry!!! I’m sorry!! Laz’s right! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!

Laz shouting at the screen in the private room: I know I’m right! I told you cat! Chris got a temper...*mumble*

Danny:  stop saying sorry...

(Silent)

Ian: Ha ha you got told ofF!!!! *BLOWING RASPBERRY AT cat BEHIND DANNY'S BACK*

Loopy showed her fist to Daniel/iAN from the private room...”Leave her alone!” “you!!”

10:47

Ed: I’ve got a girlfriend..

Ian: oh...*looking unhappy*

Ed: Her name’s Sherry..

Ian oh...*looking sadder*

Ed: Lovely brown eyes..*sighed*

Ian: Well... He’s mines!*he mutters*...*looking at Popey who’s playing table tennis with Hitz, Owen and Chris*

Ed: ..*mumbles*...*as Ian wasn’t paying attention to him but only for some one who are playing table tennis..*

They both sighed dreamily.

Jowie :What’s that noise?

Loud banging and non-stop giggling come from the massage room.

Eve: oh I know! Hannah STOP GIGGLING!....For GAWD SAKE!

Owen locked Hannah in the massage room under orders from Big Brother for vandalizes MORE the cameras lens!

Owen: Oh I wish I chose her to evict instead Howard!!!! Hannah BE QUIET!

Hannibal: HA HA GET ME OUT! HA HA HA HA HA GET ME OUT!!!!HA HA HA!

Lzzie: Shall we rescue her?

Girls from the private room shouting to their plasma screen,” NO!!!!LEAVE HER IN!!!”

Eve: NAH....

Hannibal: Ha Ha Grr!!! Haa!

12:04

Jowie and Popey are still on the sofa...They weren’t amusing when Ian came to sat in the middle!

Ian: Hellooo Popey...

Jowie: What do you want?

Ian pushed Jowie away....Jowie was fluming as They HAVE starting the cat fight! Popey act as a refereeIN THE MID OF THE LIVING ROOM.

Popey: Right! GO!

      Jowie hit ACROSS Ian’S CHEST with Catherine’s MASSIVE HEAVY handbag unlike like iAN who got a LITTLE 1. a WALLET!

THUD!

 Ian fell back on to the sofa.

Popey blew the whistle with his two fingers.

Popey: Jowie’s WINNER!!!!

Jowie: WOMEN POWER!

Girls cheered.

Ian: That’s foul! I wasn’t ready! GRRRRRR!

Jowie: Anyone want a fight?

Boys: (STUNNED SILENCE) (WHISPERED) No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No!

No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No!

5pm

BIG BROTHER (Steve Adderley) gathers everyone round the sofa and tells them there’s a surprise from outside.

The plasma screen turns on to reveal a dog.

Ed: SHERRY!!!

Ian: What!?!

Ed is looking very embarrassed and run to the plasma screen. He looked around as everybody pretend to not to look at him. He hugged the plasma screen and whispered,” sherry..”

BIG BROTHER: RIGHT ED now you can leave the Plasma screen alone......please!

Ed sobbed uncontrollably.

Ed: I want Sherry!

Ian sniggered as Hitz tried to stuff his smelly sock in his mouth..

Ian: ...*mumbles*

Then Big Brother reveals an elderly woman

Lizzie: Who’s she?

Cat: Grandma..*grinning non stop*

Everybody: oh!!! *pretending that they know who is she*

Cat’s grandma: Hello Daniel...

Cat: Grandma!!! *looking sad*

Cat’s grandma: Daniel, are they feeding you alright?

Cat : GRANDMA! ....do you want to talk to me?

Cat’s grandma: No I just want to talk to Daniel...Are you ok Daniel?

Dan: yes thank you..

Cat’s grandma: I got some fruit cake, choc cake, lemon cake in the basket for you.....I did make you a roast Lamb! *chuckles* how about that!

Danny: Yes please!

Cat’s grandma: you are a good boy! How about a cup of tea?

Danny: yes please!

Cat’s grandma: sugar?

Danny: No I’m sweeter enough!

Hannibal from the peace room: HA HA AWW! BLESS! HA HA!

Plasma turns off

Lizzie: How’s come Danny got a fan club?

Boys complained except Danny who couldn’t stop smirking!

BIG BROTHER(Steve Adderley): Can Danny come to collect everybody meals the Diary room please?

Daniel tucked in everybody’s Sunday dinners straight away in the diary room while everybody is waiting for him.

In the private room:..

Loopy: Danny’s a silly boy!!!

(Swish clap clap whizz) Holly signing crossly to Loopy..”when are we showing the boobs to the nation?”

Loopy: Not now!

They all got a bit bored at the living room... Someone threw Popey a marshmallow.. ”WHO IS DID IT?”

Again!

Popey: Right! This is a war!”

They started the marshmallow fight.....until Lizzie pipped that she’s hungry...

Lizzie: ell I'm not eating the marshmallows... 

Everybody was waiting in the Living room sulkily for Daniel for almost an hour....

Hitz: Edwina is he’s coming out?

Ed: WELL HE HAS TO!!!! BUT I want my Sherry! He sobbed uncontrollably.

Holly from the private room: ..”This is boring! Can we show the boobs to the nation now?”

Loopy: NO!

Daniel strolled out in to the garden if there’s nothing happen!

Eve: well?

Jowie: Where is the Lamb chops?

Lizzie: I don’t care about LAMB CHOPS!!!! WHAT’S ABOUT THE CAKES!!!!

Danny: oh! I thought the foods are all for me!

EVERYBODY went after him as lions went after a deer!

Daniel tried to run around the garden but kept squashing the snails!!

Holly Laughing non-stop in the private room...and Cat who ‘s wearing Hannah’s wig make the way to the bedroom by hopping and weeping out non stop on her bed and Danny RUSHED the bedroom to escape AND LOCKED IN...ANGRY PEOPLE TRIED TO KICK THE DOOR DOWN!

Loopy: ooh bIG BROTHER won’t be happy...What is Cat doing?...RIGHT LET FLASH OUR BOOB NOW!

Holly and Loopy take their tops and bra off. All the Cameras on Holly and Loopy’s boob..

Audience never no what’s happen in the bedroom...

A door sprung open.

Ian gave a girlie scream and everybody stops.....

Popey: what’s going on...

Ian pointed toward the bedroom ......

*Spooky music on*

*Jowie grabbed Eve’s hand while Lizzie and Htz hold each other and looking so scared.....as they glued their plasma screen in the garden...

*******End of Day 12******

DAY 13      ( Pope’s version)

After a ban on Booze last night due to no one completing there fucking task,

no thanks to hannah for not giggling away bitch everyone is a little pissed

off and the house is in for a war soon and house body gaurds on full alert.

7am Ians up as usual.....

7.20am someone has caused a stain on popey von dutch boxers and popey suspects

Ians been doing so unknown business, after having a word with chris and

Owen popey pals in the house they say while popey was asleep Ian had been

wanking at 3am on top of popoeys bed

7.35 ****THUMP*** Ian lands on the floor........ oh shit man facking hell

says Chris, what a facking punch popey

chris: well that shit gay boy got what was coming

owen: shit he ain't moving!?! popey kicks him in da rib cage..... body gaurds

and medics enter big brother........

big brother calls everyone into bedroom.

Alarm: everyone is fucking lost and missed da action and police come to

investigate the matter..

Hannah: giggles hey u police guys are you going to strip for us girls??!

giggles... shut the fuck up says chris Popey just killed Ian

what

what

WHAT WHAT!!!!

big brother: just to say Ian Mcgay is stable on kitchen floor

10.30: everyones bored, police let popey of after is sweet talking, Ian

wishes to leave the house due to a rise in crime..

10.40 ian is packed and ready to go, looks in da mirror"oh my god my eye!!

10.50 big brother accepts Ians request to leave

11.00 nobody seem s to fucking care

11.01 door opens the small crown outside screems "FUCKING BOOOOOOO"

12.00 popey looks happy.....but the house his steering clear from hannah

coz she is bad news, steve the feeling sorry type is doing a good job keeping

hannah company.

13.00 Big brother have set us a task 2 teams have to race each other on

down the pint, the quickest to down the unknow drink wins a good meal

tonight....

***** End of Day 13 ********

DAY 14           (Ian’s version)

8:45am
“WAKE UP”

“AARRRGGGHHHHH” John screamed.

“It’s 8:45 mate” Christopher said “Time to get up before the alarm goes off…”.


12 hours later…

Everyone is in the living room.  It has been pouring with rain all day long and the housemates did nothing much during the day.  It is dark outside and thunder is rumbling outside.  “Oh this is scary” Elizabeth said.  Hannah is giggling.

* Light flickering… flick – hic – flick… beep *

“Oh my God” Cat screamed.  The house is in darkness.  The thunder is getting louder.  Elizabeth said her cigarette lighter is in the room and Edward went to the bedroom to get them.  Hannah is still giggling.  “AAAHHHH” Cat screamed and pointed “LOOK”.  From what they could see with the help from lightings that there is a figure standing outside.  It is a shape of a man.  He appeared to be holding something.

“Where is he now?”
“I don’t know”

* Glass shattering *

“What was that?”
“I don’t know”

Hannah is giggling…
“HANNAH, SHUT UP” Everyone yelled at Hannah.

Broken glasses can be seen on the dinning room floor – and the rain was coming in through the broken door.  The intruder is heard walking towards the bedroom.  “What is the hell is happening?” Owen wanted to know.  He is finding it difficult to listen with Hannah still giggling.  Nothing was happening for a while and everyone stood in the darkness.  Hannah is still giggling.

“Giggling…. Giggling…. Oh my God… Oh my God… OH MY G..”

* Fizz *

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH” Hannah screamed.  Her wig is on fire and she is running around the room.  She could not see where she was going.

* Whoosh *

* Thump *

Everyone watched Hannah’s face detached from her body and landed on the floor next to the coffee table.  The blood is soaking the carpet.  “Oh my God” Cat screamed and fainted.  Hannah’s head is still on flames.   Hannah is not giggling.

Someone is standing by the bedroom door lighting a cigarette… “Hey, that’s my fag” Elizabeth marched over.  “You cannot have my poof… I mean fag”.  Something was put in her mouth… she took it out and wondered what it was… once she realised she screamed but it was too late...

* Swish *

The intruder put Edward’s penis back in her mouth as Elizabeth is lying dead on the floor…  The housemates cannot see what is going on as the house is still in the darkness with little help from lighting outside.

* Thump *

Christopher is heard whimpering.  Owen walked over to Christopher without thinking…

* Whoosh *

“Aa… ergh… why…?”

The light came back on.  Jo and Eve stood there, screamed and ran to hide in the kitchen… Hannah’s headless body was on the bloody carpet, Elizabeth was lying on the floor by the bedroom with one of her eye wide open as she was giving a wink with Edward’s penis in her mouth.  Christopher is on the floor with a broomstick through his stomach.  Owen is half on the sofa with his insides coming out dripping onto the carpet.  Hiten saw the intruder… and he ran screaming out of the house – through the broken dinning room door and disappeared into the darkness.

* Splashes *

Eve got up wondering what was happening and bangs her head against the cupboard.  “Ouch” she said and knocked the knife from the sideboard and it landed on Jo’s bushy hair.  Eve then tripped over something on the kitchen floor and pushed the knife through Jo’s head.  Eve discovered what she has done.  “Oh Romeo” she cried… and took the knife out and killed herself.  John saw the whole episode but as he turned to see the intruder the light went out again.

* Light flickering… flick – hic – flick… beep *

John stood there… and wetted himself.  He ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind him… and sat down in the corner of the shower.  The bathroom door was kicked open and the light came back on.  Ian walked in – with an axe.

“Oh my God…” John said “Oh my God”.  Ian stood above him with Hannah’s head in his other hand.  He dropped it and it went rolling towards to John.  The axe in his other hand was dripping with blood.  John looked up and stared at Ian’s black eye.  Ian smiled and said that this is his revenge to John for getting rid of him yesterday.  “This time you are going to get what you deserve coming”.  Ian held the axe high up and grinned… John shut his eyes and screamed “Oh my God”…

“Wake up”

“Oh my God”

“WAKE UP”

“AARRRGGGHHHHH” John screamed.

“It’s 8:45 mate” Christopher said “Time to get up before the alarm goes off…”.

John looked around and realised he was in bed.  “Jesus” he said.  Christopher explained that he and Owen felt it was time to wake everyone up before the screaming babies alarm goes off.  The housemates had a lot to drink last night… Team A won the competition – the team was Hiten, Edward, Cat, Eve and Jo.  Owen, Christopher, Daniel, Elizabeth and Hannah were in Team B and they lost.  Everyone has a hangover.

“Jesus” John said again.
“I know” Christopher said “Tell me about it.  What a night it will be tonight”.
“Eh?”.
“The eviction night you know.  The big night.  I reckon Hannah will get the chop…  Oh by the way, someone is back.  The crafty little beggar woke me and Owen up earlier and we thought we had an intruder in the house” Christopher said.  Ian walked into the bedroom – and he was still bruised from the day before.  “I decided to come back from the dead.  Haha!  No one can get rid of me that easily…”

Everyone was pleased to see Ian back.  Holly and Laura are watching the housemates in the bedroom.  Holly is pleased that Ian is back.  She asked Laura when they were coming out of this secret room.  Laura did not hear her.  While everyone was chatting to Ian, John went to the bathroom.  They asked Ian about whether he heard anything about Laura and Holly.  He said that he never heard anything about them… and he only heard about Howard, the waitor, moving to America to appear on a television programme called Will and Grace.  “Apparently everyone loved him…” he said.

Owen wondered who was to be out of the house tonight.  “Why are you all looking at me?” Hannah asked.  Everyone looked away.

“Anything exciting happening here – since we caught Daniel doing it with Cat on my bed?” Ian asked.  Daniel sat silently on his bed saying nothing and was deeply embarrassed.  How was he supposed to know that Hannah was really Cat…  stupid girl for wearing someone else’s wig.

A soft sobbing noise is heard from the bathroom but no one can hear it because of Hannah giggling…

*****End of DAY 14*****